Damn, people really look some strange shit up on the internet: Unlimited! No joke, someone searched for that and got here. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I realized something about myself today while happily staring at 2094 windows of C++ code - I'm one of those people that isn't happy unless I'm doing something. I thought about it and I've always been doing something (school, work in the summer, band, goals, etc.) with two exceptions: last summer and this summer. If you read back to June of last year, I was mopey. Life sucked. Then in July and August, I got over it, life was peachy - I was happy doing nothing. So this is the exception to the rule stated above: in the real world, I have to be doing something to be happy. Last summer was the fantasy world of moving back home and having no rent, no grocery, gas, or insurance bills, nothing to worry about. This summer I've been racked with boredom and guilt and listlessness. It was supposed to be a great summer. I saved up enough money to live through the end of September, but it didn't matter. I tried to relax, I tried not to think about school or the future, thinking that I should fully take advantage of the present. I just can't enjoy 100% free time. I can only enjoy free time after I feel I've earned it. I can never be that laid back person. So it's kind of a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it means I should always try to be as productive as possible, make more goals, take on more things, because I'll actually be more fulfilled. But on the other hand, I really am the kind of person that doesn't know how to relax very well, and I am extremely critical of myself. Today I debugged the code I've written. I might actually see the end of my summer project before the summer ends. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I had a dream last night that I worked at a store as big as Whole Foods but that felt more like Natural Food Market. I was cleaning out the freezers - specifically the ice cream. A bunch of the pints had overflowed and made a mess. I got the feeling my boss was mad at me for not working hard enough. Then a man is standing next to me and he thanks me for recommending a sugar and dairy free ice cream for his child, apparently it was perfect. His son can't have sugar, but wanted a treat. He had his shopping cart and a little boy was sitting in it. He was a very handsome man, around 30. His little boy was very cute, maybe 5. We had a short conversation, mostly small talk, but I was very attracted to him. His eyes were very welcoming and safe, he's a good man and a good dad. I take a break so we can go outside and talk. Outside, we are talking on the side of the store which actually faces the ocean. It was a very nice day out. Then Corey walks up to me, pulls me aside and asks me about the man, so I tell him. Corey is very happy that I've found someone good and walks off. Listening: Sigur Ros |