The house is full of excitement today; Dad is stomping on the roof (must finish re-roofing before rain comes, and he just found out a lot of the lumber has rotted), Mom is cleaning the pantry, and Tom is getting the race car ready. Even Little Dog is more excited than normal. Paula called today and said I'm "fucked up" for not calling her in the past two months. But you know, I just laughed it off, and it feels good to laugh something off and not dwell on it. I just don't care and it feels great! This is a whole new me I've never experienced. I tried to explain to her how the first six weeks I was home were pretty rough; I was depressed, moody, and anti-social. She's not the kind of person you go to when you're trying not to feel those things. I'm only two weeks older than her, and we've been friends since Kindergarten, but after junior high we took two different paths. She's always been a trouble maker, had a lot of problems with her parents, ran away, dysfunctional relationships. She got married when she was 18 to a guy joining the Army because it was the only way she was going to get out. Unfortunately, he wasn't the saving type, and got dismissed from the Army. Since they're married, they share the debt that he incurred after buying a truck (which he could afford until he was dismissed) and the signing bonus that you have to give back if you don't complete your service. They had already spent that. So she has to file bankruptcy before the state of California will grant her a divorce. Oh yeah, they split up a while ago because two troubled kids that get married at 18 don't last too long. She is a lot more mature because of all these experiences, but when I talk to her, I hear no hope or change. She doesn't really care what bankruptcy will do to her. Her parents are only half-heartedly letting her live in their house because my Dad went over there and pleaded on her behalf as she was about to be homeless. I wonder if she's ever had a plan for her life, or real achievable dreams, or cares at all. You don't want to be around people like that when you're already questioning the point of your own life. So there is a lot to do today with Tom; we have to pick up the trailer from his friend to tow his car with tomorrow, we're going to his eye appointment, and we're going to my uncle's one last time before they fly back to Taiwan. I don't really want to go (not wanting to participate with extended family is new to me as well), but I guess I should. I'd rather be watching the Denis Leary standup tonight on Comedy Central. |