There are a bunch of pictures on my lap. I printed them two years ago. They're nothing special, just an assignment for photography class. But the day they were taken (I didn't take them, it was a self-portrait assignment. Really dumb since I'm supposed to be learning photography.) Manny came with me to the beach around sunrise so we could use the lifeguard towers. He took all the pictures. Manny was a really awesome person. He had so many good qualities as a friend and as a boyfriend, I look back now and wonder why I had to mess it up. He's only the second guy I really have shame about how I acted. I haven't talked to him in a long time, but I hope things are going well for him. I begin to wish I could meet all those awesome people now, when things might work out a little better. I can't believe some of the things I used to do to people, how much I took them for granted. Even though I hate regrets, if there's one thing that I would venture to call a regret, it's that. You can't change how you made people feel, even if you change yourself for the better. I'll never be anything else to him but the girl that ended up hurting him. So I'm going to cut the pictures up, and hopefully make something better out of them. That's a metaphor if I ever saw one. Listening: Pretty Girls Make Graves |