I've been getting a lot of headaches lately and it's starting to affect everyday things. I can't stay on the internet long, can't read too long, and I can't stay up past midnight. I'm not worried yet, but it's pretty annoying. I have a feeling they are being cause by my new glasses; the prescription seems a little off. Every time I wear the glasses I find myself squinting, which is a new thing. With my old glasses, the only time I wasn't squinting was when they were on. So I have a headache now and I'm about ready to go to bed. Life is just funny right now, it doesn't feel like I'm alive. I feel like the most inertial mass ever created. And I'm at a dead stop. It would take jumbo jet engines to get me moving. I think worthless would be a bad description of me, because I know in five years I won't be as worthless as I am right now. But what the hell is my problem when I can't muster up one single drop of energy for my friends? This is what apathy feels like? Maybe this is what most people feel like a majority of the time. It sure would explain a lot, and I wouldn't be as confused about our society. When I look at the track housing down in Riverside, Corona, Chino, I am equally split between feeling envy because the houses are large and clean and everything a modern day house is supposed to be, and feeling a dread that is almost physical at what is must be like to live in one. I think it's the fact that the interiors are very appealing, and cleaner than any house I've ever lived in (and if you know me, you know how I cherish cleanliness, and how hard it is for me to find it). But the second you step outside, your privacy is gone. There is no space between you and your neighbor, or the guy across the street. They probably know what goes on in your house as well as you do. Today, at my uncle's new house (not to be confused with Taiwan uncle - I have ten uncles) I looked out the balcony and got a lovely view of the street and the houses next door. I realized the Inland Empire is so drab, so lackluster. It physically depresses me to look at track housing. I must get away from here as soon as school is done. Oregon has been sticking in my mind. Maybe Illinois or Pennsylvania... Charles Bronson died tonight. R.I.P. Listening: Beyonce feat. Jay-Z |