I went to the races with Tom again. Matt says going to the races every week constitutes my initiation into hickville and double negatives. They're exciting, and thinking about cams and valves and hemi's and V8's and suspension systems just makes me happy. That's a pretty rare feeling lately. I broke down today and asked myself "Why did you not try harder to get to Boston? When did your goals become so meaningless?" Then I cried about it for a little while, because in hindsight coming to live in Banning was the most STUPID thing I could do right now. Staying in Miami would have been better - at least the summer would have been great. But the real problem is that I'm not doing much to correct the situation, pick something that I want to be doing with my life, and do it. I'm just reveling in my lack of direction. And I'm just going in circles, and I feel pretty stupid. Dear God, please let this period of my life teach me important things, but pretty please don't let it last too long. Listening: Isis |