It's too earrrrrly to be up. I had a dream I went to the store and bought Cocoa Rice Krispies, so I was kind of disappointed when I came home and had to eat plain Rice Krispies. Last night two of my stitches came out, which is good. I'd rather have them come out the front of my mouth than swallow them unknowingly. I got to gross Matt out and Denny's when one of them came out. It looked like he was going to throw up. I think I have permanent nerve damage because there is a certain lack of feeling on my gums and left inner cheek that isn't really a feeling I would associate with healing. I was home yesterday when Randall called, and I ended up hanging out with him and a bunch of his friends for a while. I knew some of these kids six, seven years ago and haven't really seen them since I left for Florida. They're still doing the same things: drinking, drinking, drinking at whatever house of the week will let them party. It's really hard to see these people I've known for so long never really grow up and learn, they're all going on 23 or 24. Randall's had two DUI's, Kasey crashed a brand new car. They are still as reckless as ever. Then I went to hang out with Matt, and it was hard not to bring up the past. Randall and I had talked about it for a while, and although Randall may not be doing a lot with his life, there are things he has learned and he is sincere. He was telling me Matt was one of the most awesome people he knew, and he felt really bad about their falling out. This is after four years of not talking. Just as much as Randall would like to mend things, Matt would love to hate him forever. It's not my business, but it's sad. But last night, Matt and I did have some other conversations, and although he doesn't feel up to a relationship at this point (which he made clear wasn't because of me, but because of his commitments), I think we have the same goals for a relationship in the future. I'm glad we cleared up our unspoken assumptions. I don't know if it's an insecurity, but tack him up as one on another long list of people who like me, but not enough to call me their girlfriend? That thought always makes its way up from the back of my mind after conversations like this. Time to get ready for another uneventful day? Listening: Refused wakes me up |