Lots of visits from the family today. Another $100 for the broke college graduate. Explaining my tattoos to people 40+ is a little awkward. I think I'm going to skip out on the job interview tomorrow, calling ahead to cancel of course. I don't want to be a sales representative working for commission, selling people financial services while making house calls, which is what I found out the job would be after a little research. I've just got to hold out for something better. Right now, the big question is do I want a private job, or should I get teaching credentials. I would love to teach high school math. But I really need to concentrate my energy on one thing. I keep going back and forth and it's really not getting me anywhere. I realized I'm going about things all wrong. I should've been persistent when I was trying to get assistantships at MIT. God knows I would rather be there. And I haven't been very persistent with any of the (few) entry-level jobs I've found. I watched Magnolia on IFC again tonight. Get me alone in the middle of the night, and I'm bawling away. That movie could not have been casted any better. I'm sort of getting used to the slow life again. I don't even really want to go to shows anymore. Brokeback was tonight in Hollywood, tomorrow is the American Analog Set. I love those bands, but I just don't have the motivation to make the drive. But I'm not really disappointed at the end of the day anymore. I just need to take some time to figure a lot of things out. Miami is fading quickly - all those emotions that were so strong when I left: being unsure, very torn, missing friends and the band. That's what time does, but it always surprises me to look back at one point and not feel any strong emotion. I always expect it to last so long. This transition feels like I've fallen a few rungs from where I was before. I hope that in some obtuse way I'm learning something and growing in ways that will help me in the future. I guess I should be more open to all of the options available to me - I can do anything, if I really try, really work for it. And I really really want to fall in love. And not just in that stupid, "I want a relationship" way. I mean love for loves sake. I miss that, and it's so hard to come upon. Listening: Nada Surf - Let Go |