Nothing like a grip of bad movies to make you feel better. Last night, I just wasn't feeling too hot, so I stayed home with mom and Tom, and they rented four movies. We only watched Unfaithful (actually not the worst movie I've seen), then I went to bed. Got up this morning around 6:30 a.m. (what is my god damn problem, I can't sleep normally anymore). Took a bunch of pictures outside, there was frost on everything, and incidentally froze my tushy off. I couldn't feel my hands and feet for about ten minutes after I came inside. Then the sun came up, I still felt like crap, so I ate Rice Chex and started watching more movies. First it was Hollywood Ending (I'm not a huge fan of Woody Allen, the movie was weird but funnier than I expected). Then I watched Harvard Man. I'm just not a fan of that Adrien Grenier kid. A lot of girls think he is hot, but I don't see the attraction. That movie was ehh. Then my mom got home and someone had given her Shanghai Noon, so I watched that too. That is funny stuff. I like Owen Wilson a lot. Had some dinner, and now I'm not feeling half bad. No plans for tonight, my mom and dad decided they didn't want to see Lord of the Rings tonight, too much traffic. Party poopers. This is my third journal, and I aim to be brutally honest with myself and whoever happens to be reading. The first journal I had ended as a disaster, I guess I assumed people I knew would never read it because I never told them about it. I forgot that search engines would pull up my page when they searched for things I may have written about. So I was very honest in that journal, but it was the kind of honesty that came from complete naivety. Second journal was a good experience. Nothing too personal about myself or the people around me. Ended up being pretty boring. Now I just don't give a rats ass. I'm graduating in May, and I have no idea what's next. I do feel 21, but I certainly don't feel that I'm grown up and ready to face the "real" world. So I'm applying to grad schools with the hopes of extending my youth a little further. Do I want to come back to California? Or do I want to start completely over again, in Boston? Will I even get in? Do I want to get in? Maybe I want to stay in Florida. The weather isn't too bad. Or am I just saying that because someone I care about is there? I don't even know if he feels the same way about me. I think I've become a little more cautious about what I should put on the line for a relationship. Seems like I'm the one willing to risk it for love, and when I give that to someone, they shy away, or change their mind. Should I even consider the option of staying in Miami, or would that be foolish? I don't want to leave if I'm leaving one of the best possibilities of my life unfulfilled. But is it even a possibility? I'm so confused. No one has the answer. My family is sure that I should come back to California. Justin thinks I should go to UCLA, Jessica thinks I should go to UCSD, Xavi wouldn't mind if I went up to MIT, so we could room together. But you know what, I don't expect anyone but me to have the answer. I'm not looking to my friends and family for the answer, I just don't know which answer is right for me in the long run. I don't suppose I will ever be sure. That's going nowhere. I think this flu/cold has gotten me disaffected. I'm going to go make cookies. |